Old Souls Study Guide Seven: Beyond Expectations

For Individual Reflection and Spiritual Aging Support Group Leaders

Welcome to this month’s Old Souls Study Guide. Each post in this monthly series stands on its own so if you are new, you can join in here or visit the archives to start with Post One: On Paradox to work at your own pace individually or with a group.

Please Note: Next month, we will conclude the monthly series of study guides based on my book Older, Wiser, Fiercer. But In December, you will get a sneak peek of the exciting year-long series of weekly study guides we will be launching officially in 2025 based on my new book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life. Starting the first week of January , paid subscribers will begin receiving their study guide on a weekly basis along with the opportunity to reflect together in an online Spiritual Aging Study and Support group. It’s not too late to join in. Find out how HERE.

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BEYOND EXPECTATIONS

This Month’s Excerpt

“Letting go is not the same as giving up, in or out. It is, rather, the ability to transcend faltering expectations to see the good that remains: to allow the shadows to be without taking the light for granted. Others may not care or understand. No matter. This one is beyond submitting that which matters most to the judgment of others. No need to explain, defend or excuse. How brightly one’s eyes do shine!”

                           Older, Wiser, Fiercer, “Three Octogenarians” pp. 28-29                        

Questions for Journaling or Discussion

·       When you’ve done what you can and have fallen short of your expectations do you tend to feel self-pity, hopelessness or genuine acceptance?

·        What does acceptance look like for you? What inner strengths have you cultivated to draw upon that makes acceptance possible?

·       Can you distinguish the difference between acceptance and giving up?

·       Can you remember a time in your life when others felt sorry for you but you knew deep down that you were okay?

·       When you finally surrender expectation, what do you get in return?

Carol’s  Commentary

This month’s reflection centers on acceptance—and acceptance is essential. Of course, we should draw upon all our spiritual and psychological tools and resources, as the Serenity Prayer guides us “To accept the things I cannot change” and “To change the things I can.” But it is often easier said than done. In fact, that’s why it’s important to note that the supplicant is not relying on his or her willpower alone but asking God to grant them the necessary serenity, courage and wisdom. These are not things you can just order up on demand. All you can do is become receptive to God’s grace. But in the meanwhile, what are we to do with our disappointment?

There are times when try as I might, I haven’t so much accepted my disappointment as set it aside, often just long enough for something to distract me while trusting my heart to continue transmitting the prayer to God. Part of my spiritual practice over the years has been to train myself to take the time to see the beauty around me everywhere: a pretty weed growing through a crack in the sidewalk will suffice…clouds, art, music, my dog Winnie: especially my dog Winnie.

Having practiced for many years now, I am more attuned to these spontaneous pleasures. Gradually, my reactivity to disappointment has lessened and increasingly, I have moments when I’m able to set all judgment aside, my own as well as that of others, and simply take delight in the present moment. I have discovered the hard way that I can’t make God’s grace happen on demand, but even in the act of creating the space to receive, I am most likely to suddenly realize my expectations have somehow lessened, or even, blessed be God, become irrelevant. This has been one of the greatest surprises of growing old: the ability to experience joy in simple pleasure regardless of my circumstances.

 A Spiritual Aging Exercise

To find the cutting edge of your own growth, and to assist in your discernment, try this exercise.

Without getting up from your chair, find 5 things that bring you joy. Allow this joy to sweep you up in it. If you feel so moved, take up pencil, paint or musical instrument to honor both your joy and the part of you that has cultivated the ability to find beauty in the present moment regardless of the objective circumstances with which you’re faced,.

Next Week

In our series culmination, Month Eight of the Spiritual Aging Study Guide: Getting Unstuck, we turn our attention to those times we lose our momentum and find ourselves bogged down . If you would like to read ahead, we will be reflecting upon the sections “In the Gap” and “A Vision” in  Older, Wiser, Fiercer,, pp. 32-37 .